Will I ever learn how to eat intuitively and mindfully?
I am starting to think that I am never going to truly have peace with food and with my body. I hate to admit this, and maybe it's just me feeling super discouraged and frustrated with myself. But I just can't seem to get the hang of it. Yes, I am doing pretty well in regards to my recovery. And so it's hard to come out and say that I am still struggling so much with these two things. Yes, I have maintained my weight for the last few years, and yes (most days) I am eating more than I did while I was struggling with my eating disorder. But the obsessive thoughts about food and body image have never really gone away. The guilt has never really gone away. I've just gotten really good at trying to ignore it and not give in to those thoughts and instead do what I know I need to do to maintain my recovery. I have felt like I've been letting myself down, and now admitting to it, I feel like I am letting other people down too. I just don't know what to do when it comes to this part of my recovery. I have been (and am doing) really well, I think... Or am I not allowing myself to see what's really happening? I don't know how to let these thoughts go. It gets tiring to continue to ignore them. But that's what I have to keep doing I guess, and hopefully someday, I won't have to just keep trying to ignore these thoughts... but they will finally not even be around. That's my hope. And I don't want this to take anything away from my previous post, because I meant every word of it. I am doing the best I ever have in recovery - these two things are just things that I can't seem to figure out for some reason. And it concerns me, and frustrates me at times. Especially lately.